Top 10 Best Headlines of 2019

Image result for newspaper press
This birdcage-lining machine is working overtime

Apparently 2016 was a good year for news and writing. Our sources tell us there were lots of boring, repetitive and dishonest stories that year. But we don’t have the time, interest or basic literacy skills to go back and read all of them. So we asked some of our sources to submit their favourite headlines of the year that was 2016. So here it is, our top 10 headlines of 2019!

10. “COUNCIL SUPPORTS PLAN FOR SAFE INJECTING ROOMS AT SCHOOL FETES”

  • Thronggate Times: May 1999.

 

9. “BOOKSHELF FALLS ON FAMOUS WRITER IN IRONIC ACCIDENT”

  • Writers’ Digestive Peace Journal: November 2016.

 

8. “MAN RIDES MOTORBIKE BACKWARDS OVER FACTUAL ERROR”

  • Pyscho Satanic Bikie Sluts of Oblivion, member newsletter: Date TBC.

 

7. “SOUP KITCHEN WORKER ‘CAN’T STAND HOMELESS'”

  • Price Watercress Clombers: Annual Report 2016.

 

6. “NEW EMPLOYEE MAKES GENUINE ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER EVERYONE’S NAMES”

  • Big Dick Gazette: May 2016.

 

5. “START-UP SUCCEEDS AND ALL INVESTORS MAKE MONEY”

  • The News of the Wrld: May 2016.

 

4. “YOU CAN PUSH TWO SMALL TABLES TOGETHER TO MAKE A BIGGER TABLE”

  • Interior Design On a Budget magazine: May 2016.

 

3. “GARLIC BREAD IS LIKE NORMAL BREAD BUT WITH THIS WEIRD-FLAVOURED BUTTER ON IT”

  • Deadshit Magazine: Dunno when.

 

2. “DAD HOSPITALISED AFTER LADDER FALL SAYS PARALYSIS BETTER THAN PAINTING THE HOUSE”

  • Sunnysprings Hospital Staff Newsleter, June 2016.

 

1. “RESEARCHERS DISCOVER HERMETIC LIFESTYLE IS BEST SUNBURN CURE”

  • Insert newspaper name and date here I don’t care what you put here. jst make something up!!!

 

0. “PORSCHE, FERRARI AND SAAB MAKE EXPENSIVE CARS”

  • Breitbart News: 2 September 1945.

 

1. “MORE PROFESSIONALS FIND SPREADSHEETS BORING AND REPETITIVE”

  • Financial Review: 2 September 1945.
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